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Surviving a Break Up

Surviving a Break Up
September 23, 2010 Kim Goldman

So, things didn’t work out the way you thought they would, huh? There really isn’t much anyone can say to make you feel better.  Brace yourself because plenty of people will try to cheer you up. They’ll say, “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” “Maybe you’ll find someone better,” or, “You’re young, you have plenty of time to find someone else.”

The truth is that breaking up is hard. No matter what kind of relationship you had with the person, you both invested time into each other hoping that the relationship would last. Now you find yourself let down.

You’ve spent so much time with your partner and now that you are no longer together, you don’t know what to do.


Can we really “Just be Friends?”

It’s entirely up to the two of you to decide if you can be friends or if you want to at all. If you both feel strongly about being friends after the break up, be clear with each other about your boundaries. In other words, what can you do, and what can’t you do. Do not violate those boundaries.

Give each other space. You don’t have to decide right now if you’re still going to be friends. Take some time to think about it.

If you can’t agree to be friends, at least agree not to be enemies.

Respect

Sometimes when people break up, they gather the gifts and photos that they have given to each other, put them in a box, and give them back.  Usually, this is done more out of spite than out of consideration.  The truth is that those things were given to you out of love. Even if the love isn’t there now, it was at one time.  If it is too painful to look at these things, put them in a box and store them. Respect the other person by keeping the memories.

Communication

Don’t put your friends or siblings in the middle of your relationship. If you need to talk to the person you broke up with, talk to him or her yourself. Timing is key.

Will I ever get over this?

Give yourself some time to deal with this.  There is definitely a grieving process that you’ll go through and there is no way to say how long that will be. You may feel depressed, lonely, and confused.  With time, those feelings will go away.

  • If you’re feeling really depressed, it’s a good idea to talk to someone about how you’re feeling.
  • Try to avoid getting into another relationship soon after breaking up.  Give yourself some time to heal.

What can I do next time?

First of all, there will be a “next time.”  You will have other relationships and the best thing you can do is learn from each of them.

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